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days like these......

I may look for a video later but right now I'm too busy.

Matthew Good, "Avalanche"

One foot in front of the other
One foot back to counter it
Days like these you've got to find it in some other way
It's all or nothing baby

Avalanche, start inside of me
Avalanche, down through the trees
Avalanche, start inside of me
Avalanche, hell down through the trees

If everyone's a casualty
Then take your time there ain't no trouble
If the weather's fine and we're feeling crazy
There's always drinks and dancing in the rubble
I'm spinning and you're spinning
The world's spinning and we're laughing
And I'm charming, the devil's charming
And we're ruined but we're still building
And I'm selling and you're counting
The world's stopping but we keep going
And we're ruthless and we're cunning
And I'm heir to it all

Days like these you've gotta find it in some other way
It's all or nothing baby

Avalanche, start inside of me
Avalanche, down through the trees
Avalanche, start inside of me
Avalanche, hell down through the trees

This key is to your kingdom
This key is to your heart
Neither one is a doorway
But both of them a part
So one foot in front of the other

i think this is my favourite of hers

God knows god knows the direction
We're heading in tonight
God knows god knows that when we're gone
They'll paint our shadows white
God knows god knows most wars are lost
Before they even start
And God knows god knows you'll count the cost
With blood or with your heart
With your heart

I know it all worked out wrong
I know the next line to you cradle song

God knows god knows the sky lit up
As the theatre closed down
And I think you know I still love you
You're still the brightest glow around

God knows god knows The seasons change
Summer came and went
God knows god knows we've all got one
A favourite descent
God knows god knows we'll soldier on
To the final righteous breath
But God knows god knows the heart has gone
We've just got roses left
Roses left

public humiliation

I miss you so much, and I really, really hate it. It is not only embarassing, it is absurd. Only about 30 hours since we last spoke, and only ten more than that since we argued, if that last scene can be called an argument. Can it? It's one of the things I'd like to talk to you about, one of the things making me impatient.

But the impatience isn't so bad -- I mean, I'm used to being impatient wanting things. I'm greedy, I want all the good things now. It doesn't mean I can't wait, I just don't enjoy the waiting.

Missing you is an entirely different story. It feels out of balance... I keep looking and looking for something and it isn't there. I'll find myself humming along to a song on the radio and then suddenly I realise I'm thinking of you and what you'll say when I mention it (probably you'll make fun of my taste in music, let's face it) and then like a door slamming shut in my face I remember that I don't know when I'll see you again.

I don't say 'if' because I just refuse to let that be an option. You did say it might be a while, though. Days? Weeks? Surely not months... surely I caught a glimpse of you last night?

It's all such a bloody mess. I get so sick of thinking about it but I can't think about anything else. I'm so tired of wanting you when I don't know when I'm going to get to have you. All the things we left unsaid, and I keep cursing myself for doing what I did, for rushing in when I could have asked first, and for the look on your face -- jesus. That's the worst of it, you know. I don't know if you'll ever show me that face again and I was too pissed off to do any of the right things when I saw it.

I can't help hoping that maybe tonight...

don't look for meaning

Razor Valentine

I love you like a whisper
I love you all alone
I love you like a murder babe
I'm burying the bones
I love you like the last shot
At the bottom of the bottle
I love you razor valentine

I love you like the dancing dust
I love you like the static
I love you like the tarmac
Loves the kiss of morning traffic
I Love you like the factory smoke
Wraps it arms around the sky
I love you razor valentine

Oh I've been moving kind of slow don't you think so?
Oh I've been taming bloody hearts into valentines

I love you like a ruin babe
I love you like a crime
I love you like a drunk
At the sound of closing time
I love you as the seconds on my tongue
Are running wild
I love you razor valentine

the precise quote that made me think of you

It was a terrible blow to hear that you actually worked. I didn't think anyone did so anymore. It's so old-fashioned to work. I'd much rather lounge about the house all day looking fascinating. I'd rather look fascinating than have a permanent income. Am I insane?

(from http://torr.typepad.com/weblog/2008/01/moz-penpal-lett.html -- 22 October 1980)

my favourite song

I am horrified by Elaine Paige's hair, and overwhelmed by the utter 80s-ness of this (really bad) music video, but this is the original version of the song that I got attached to in 1990.

What's going on around me
Is barely making sense.
I need some explanations fast.
I see my present partner
In the imperfect tense
And I don't see how we can last.
I feel I need a change of cast.

Maybe I'm on nobody's side--

And when he gives me reasons
To justify each move
They're getting harder to believe.
I know this can't continue
I've still a lot to prove.
There must be more I could achieve
But I don't have the nerve to leave.

Everybody's playing the game
But nobody's rules are the same
Nobody's on nobody's side.
Better learn to go it alone
Recognize you're out on your own
Nobody's on nobody's side.

The one I should not think of
Keeps rolling through my mind
And I don't want to let that go.
No lovers ever faithful,
No contract truly signed,
There's nothing certain left to know,
And how the cracks begin to show!

Never make a promise or plan
Take a little love where you can
Nobody's on nobody's side
Never stay too long in your bed
Never lose your heart, use your head
Nobody's on nobody's side.

Never take a stranger's advice
Never let a friend fool you twice
Nobody's on nobody's side
Never be the first to believe
Never be the last to deceive
Nobody's on nobody's side
And never leave a moment too soon
Never waste a hot afternoon
Nobody's on nobody's side
Never stay a minute too long
Don't forget the best will go wrong
Nobody's on nobody's side.

Never be the first to believe
Never be the last to deceive
Nobody's on nobody's side
Never make a promise or plan
Take a little love where you can
Nobody's on nobody's side

And no, dear, don't take it personally -- it isn't a complaint about my life now, even if I do still try to live by some of these rules...

definitely a compliment, this time

Been Caught Stealing

I've been caught stealing;
once when I was 5...
I enjoy stealing.
It's just as simple as that.
Well, it's just a simple fact.
When I want something,
I don't want to pay for it.

I walk right through the door.
Walk right through the door.
Hey all right! If I get by, it's mine.
Mine all mine!

Should I thank you? It would be polite.

You were asking why I'd been gone so long.

I wanted to be with you alone
And talk about the weather
But traditions I can trace against the child in your face
Won't escape my attention

I talk about what I see. It's really that simple.

(no subject)

never make a promise or plan
take a little love where you can

I won't forget again.

a photograph

dulce et decorum est pro patria mori

Entry tags:

lies

compliment or insult?

If i'm out of touch
and need reminding
just tell me i have been found
i'm walking to a new dimension
i have left familiar ground
all the things i do
they may seem to you
as false behavior but i cant
really change your mind
this is my time
annie you would not understand

I've become blind
have i lost my mind
yes and no but annie would i lie to you
i've got control
this is my show
listen to me annie would i lie to you

somebody filled my head
with enough delusion
they have let me out to play
when you see me lie back
in temptations arms
and have it all my way
i still have my name
i still have my face
i have not run away from home
does it seem so wrong
if i now embrace
every single thing i've never known

I've become blind
have i lost my mind
yes and no but annie would i lie to you
i've got control
this is my show
listen to me annie would i lie to you

and tonight i'll stray i'll go too far
but only in your eyes
and for my own good
all i knew will soon be dying
soon be dying

I've become blind
have i lost my mind
yes and no but annie would i lie to you
i've got control
this is my show
listen to me annie would i lie to you

i still have my name
i still have my face
i have not run away from home
does it seem so wrong
if i now embrace
every single thing i've never known

I've become blind
have i lost my mind
yes and no but annie would i lie to you
i've got control
this is my show
listen to me annie would i lie to you
annie would i lie to you
annie would i lie to you