public humiliation
Apr. 27th, 2011 01:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morphosyntactic_ambiguityI miss you so much, and I really, really hate it. It is not only embarassing, it is absurd. Only about 30 hours since we last spoke, and only ten more than that since we argued, if that last scene can be called an argument. Can it? It's one of the things I'd like to talk to you about, one of the things making me impatient.
But the impatience isn't so bad -- I mean, I'm used to being impatient wanting things. I'm greedy, I want all the good things now. It doesn't mean I can't wait, I just don't enjoy the waiting.
Missing you is an entirely different story. It feels out of balance... I keep looking and looking for something and it isn't there. I'll find myself humming along to a song on the radio and then suddenly I realise I'm thinking of you and what you'll say when I mention it (probably you'll make fun of my taste in music, let's face it) and then like a door slamming shut in my face I remember that I don't know when I'll see you again.
I don't say 'if' because I just refuse to let that be an option. You did say it might be a while, though. Days? Weeks? Surely not months... surely I caught a glimpse of you last night?
It's all such a bloody mess. I get so sick of thinking about it but I can't think about anything else. I'm so tired of wanting you when I don't know when I'm going to get to have you. All the things we left unsaid, and I keep cursing myself for doing what I did, for rushing in when I could have asked first, and for the look on your face -- jesus. That's the worst of it, you know. I don't know if you'll ever show me that face again and I was too pissed off to do any of the right things when I saw it.
I can't help hoping that maybe tonight...
But the impatience isn't so bad -- I mean, I'm used to being impatient wanting things. I'm greedy, I want all the good things now. It doesn't mean I can't wait, I just don't enjoy the waiting.
Missing you is an entirely different story. It feels out of balance... I keep looking and looking for something and it isn't there. I'll find myself humming along to a song on the radio and then suddenly I realise I'm thinking of you and what you'll say when I mention it (probably you'll make fun of my taste in music, let's face it) and then like a door slamming shut in my face I remember that I don't know when I'll see you again.
I don't say 'if' because I just refuse to let that be an option. You did say it might be a while, though. Days? Weeks? Surely not months... surely I caught a glimpse of you last night?
It's all such a bloody mess. I get so sick of thinking about it but I can't think about anything else. I'm so tired of wanting you when I don't know when I'm going to get to have you. All the things we left unsaid, and I keep cursing myself for doing what I did, for rushing in when I could have asked first, and for the look on your face -- jesus. That's the worst of it, you know. I don't know if you'll ever show me that face again and I was too pissed off to do any of the right things when I saw it.
I can't help hoping that maybe tonight...